Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
