I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
