Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
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