You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize