Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(512): View more from Texas

Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.

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(647): View more from Ontario

Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.

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(845): View more from New York

so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date

(845): View more from New York

i guess it runs in the family.

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(517): View more from Michigan

if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy

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(210): View more from Texas

Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"

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(307): View more from Wyoming

i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.

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(248): View more from Michigan

I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"

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(847): View more from Illinois

I wish I had a tail.

(615): View more from Tennessee

Why?

(847): View more from Illinois

...why not?

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