I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize