My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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