Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
