Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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