I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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