Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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