note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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