i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
