don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize