Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Randomize
