I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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