Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
