my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
