I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
