4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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