We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
