Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
