oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
