I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
