the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize