You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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