so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Randomize
