we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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