Your tits are I can't wait for
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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