can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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