Im at strip club and am horny
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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