I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
My bed smells like the plague
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
