Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
