Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
