So drunk, too bad you don't want this
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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