What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
