Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
