Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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