So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
