wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
