you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
