Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
