forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
