my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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