When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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