Don't make out with my wife yet
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
