I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
