i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
