Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
