I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
