I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
