Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
worst night to have a conscience
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
