Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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