I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
