hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
