She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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