Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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