i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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