Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
