He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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