went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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