try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
