Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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