NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
