Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
There r osticjed everywhere
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
