well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
