I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
