You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
