upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
