Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
