Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
