allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
