if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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