so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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