Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
